Layers
The spiritual path is a lot like reprogramming. Where therapy is like visual basic, meditation is like machine language. By meditating and learning to be aware and mindful in everyday life, you develop direct access to the way your mind functions, and learn tools to change that functioning from the inside out.
As I have developed hightened awareness of my own mind, some amazing things have started to happen. In particular, there has been an "unpeeling" effect - the feeling that, gradually, the toxic mental goo that has built up in my personality over time is getting peeled off, layer by layer.
The result is both delightful and completely unsettling. I am beginning to see through my neurosis and paranoias, which enables me to make different decisions about how to react to situtations in my life. But how to react? Not the old way, but what is the new way? It isn't always clear. And what complicates it further is that, as layers get peeled off, I end up defaulting to an even deeper layer. Old habitual patterns start to reassert themselves. I often feel as if I'm regressing, behaving as if I am 16 again, or 10, or 6.
But this regression contains so much wisdom. Old, repressed emotions about my family, my friends, and myself are surfacing, emotions that I didn't even know were there. Anger towards my parents is coming out; childhood misgivings that I have always felt but was never able to express.
If you experience this kind of regression, it is tempting to think that you are moving backwards, losing something that you have gained your life's journey. But in fact, the opposite is true. You are removing layers of ego, generating clarity, and connecting more deeply with your true self. The peeling may be painful, but allow it to happen. As you do, you will find it easier to act with authenticity, and to completely accept who you are.
JL
As I have developed hightened awareness of my own mind, some amazing things have started to happen. In particular, there has been an "unpeeling" effect - the feeling that, gradually, the toxic mental goo that has built up in my personality over time is getting peeled off, layer by layer.
The result is both delightful and completely unsettling. I am beginning to see through my neurosis and paranoias, which enables me to make different decisions about how to react to situtations in my life. But how to react? Not the old way, but what is the new way? It isn't always clear. And what complicates it further is that, as layers get peeled off, I end up defaulting to an even deeper layer. Old habitual patterns start to reassert themselves. I often feel as if I'm regressing, behaving as if I am 16 again, or 10, or 6.
But this regression contains so much wisdom. Old, repressed emotions about my family, my friends, and myself are surfacing, emotions that I didn't even know were there. Anger towards my parents is coming out; childhood misgivings that I have always felt but was never able to express.
If you experience this kind of regression, it is tempting to think that you are moving backwards, losing something that you have gained your life's journey. But in fact, the opposite is true. You are removing layers of ego, generating clarity, and connecting more deeply with your true self. The peeling may be painful, but allow it to happen. As you do, you will find it easier to act with authenticity, and to completely accept who you are.
JL
posted by Dr. J at 13:52
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